But I'm human. Fallen. Susceptible to the attempts by the enemy to cause fear and doubt. And believe me when I tell you that the devil is determined. That bastard creeps into my mind once in a while to wreak havok. I hate him. But he will never win because my life belongs to God.
Over the past couple of weeks I have noticed a piercing pain in the back of my head, always in the same place. Not constant but occasional and lasts long enough to make me sit down and worry. Perhaps I had these pre-BC, I don't remember. But I've been told by the most brilliant docs around that I should pay attention to my body, jot down timing of unusual pain/discomfort, and report it if it persists.
Yesterday I woke up with a major headache. The kind that is typical for allergies or a cold. No worries there other than where did I put that Tylenol. Within a few hours that piercing in the back returned. I sat down and suddenly remembered how a few months prior to my diagnosis and and a couple of times since I've had episodes of seeing illuminated spots like an aura - like an aura migraine only minus the migraine. Crap!
So I cried. And I cried. I couldn't help but think that the whore (cancer) must have invaded my brain. It was Friday night and none of my docs would be in their offices. Besides, iwe are leaving Sunday on a road trip so that we don't waste Bob's unmoveable vacation dates. More about the trip later. Anyway, even if doc would order a CT it won't happen til we get back. I refuse to let unknown fears rule my life.
So I prayed. Father God, please wrap your love and light around my body. Saturate me with it, from the inside out. Please take my worries and fears away so that I can carry on performing your will and purpose for my life. Thank you, God, for protecting me and carrying me out of darkness. I am yours. In Jesus' name, Amen.
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry
6 comments:
Amen!!! I know I don't normally post but I am always praying for you!
I am praying for you Juile. I know all to well about the worry that this stinking breast cancer thing does to you. I will pray for your peace. Try not to let the worry get in the way of the time with your family. Enjoy your trip!!
Love,
Theresa
I know it has to be hard - actually I don't know but feel like I do by reading your blog. Everyone is with you my friend, inlcuding those you don't even know who are praying and pulling for you. Reach out and call me, anything I can do from the East Coast will do - even if its to send you an ice cream. Love you more than you know - trust in God that HE has this!
See, I bet you it was the virus settling in! :o)
Hope you're feeling better (and enjoying that vacation!!) You're right though, you're a survivor and a warrior, but its hard to shut out all the worries that creep in. Stay strong!!
Hopefully a chilled out relaxing vacation will help those headaches and pains. Thinking of you.
Px
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