Being a patient patient...

Being a patient patient is hard to do when you just want to be done and move on.  I had a productive, albeit frustrating (due to lacking patience), appointment with Dr.C the other day. He totally understands my concerns and is willing to do whatever necessary to help me achieve some sense of normalcy so I don't feel deformed or chronic discomfort where it can be avoided.  He did however say that I need to wait another month or so (next appointment is June 3rd) to see how things settle after this last surgery before we can make a decision about the next step.  He understands my concerns about us approaching the end of the current insurance plan year and me having JUST met all the deductibles, out of pocket maximum, etc and the fact that if we wait til after July 1 to take the next step it will cost me over $3,000 out of pocket (my heart sinks every time I think about this because I'm tired of being broke from medical and related bills). But I understand that this is not something that can be rushed either because the my choices involve surgery - one path is a series of additional minor surgeries, while the other begins with a major surgery involving several nights in the hospital and 4-8 weeks of recovery time. It's a big decision that will require thoughtful consideration and potentially a lot of planning (will need some help here for a few weeks since Bob is away so much and I won't be able to lift and do normal activity for a few weeks if we do go with the major surgery).

We talked through several options, the risks and benefits of each, and narrowed it down to two, one of which I was fearful due a risk that became a reality for someone I know but Dr.C was able to alleviate my fear and explained that my risk level for that particular complication was actually less than one percent which is not any different from the risk of that same complication with the current method of reconstruction and surgeries I've been having so that was a big relief and that alone put my mind at ease about this decision that I'll make in June.

Meantime, I'm not allowed to lose any weight because one of the options requires use of my current belly fat to form a new left breast and apparently I barely have enough to do it even though I'm carrying an extra 20-25 lbs on my frame right now.  So I'm hanging up my 17 day diet effort for now - part of me is thrilled to welcome carbs back into my daily life but the other part of me is bummed that I'll be feeling like a chub-a-lub through the summer. ;/  Giving up my ovaries last summer meant giving up my metabolism and I've packed on about 12-15 lbs since then which I really want and need to shed as soon as I can.  I can't give up exercise though as that's critical for recurrence prevention so this week I resume exercising but will focus on doing just enough to raise my heart rate for the 30-40 min/day necessary.  Walking instead of running. I'm OK with that as I've taken a break due to surgery and travel and it's been tough getting back into it anyway so this just forces me to resume gradually and I'm good with that.

Patience isn't my strong suit but this journey (plus becoming a mother) has forced me to develop more patience than I ever imagined I would have.

Dear Lord, thank you for Dr.C and the many other brilliant physicians and nurses who provide me with excellent and compassionate care. Thank you for infusing patience and understanding into my heart and mind when I need it most, and thank you for your unconditional love and guidance as I continue this journey to restore my body and seek to use my experience to glorify you and perform your will. Thank you for the most supportive and amazing husband and family and friends. I feel truly blessed and honored every day knowing you are for me and with me always. In your son, Jesus' name, I praise you and thank you. Amen.