F*CKING CANCER: Pathology is in :(

The pathology report is in. My left breast tumor was 2.2 cm, clean margins. I had 14 (yes, FOURTEEN) cancerous lymph nodes - O.M.G! They had removed 18 in total. Clear boundaries there, but O.M.G! The largest lymph node tumor was 4.2 cm. No cancer in the right breast or right side lymph nodes. This makes me Stage IIIC. Holy shit! I'm freaking out. I'm so angry and so sad. I feel like I've totally failed myself and my family by not finding this sooner. I'm terrified. I'm going to fight it hard. But getting more bad news is not helping my psyche. CANCER - YOU F*CKING SUCK SO BAD AND I HATE YOU. DAMN YOU!