It's a big deal

It's a bigger deal than I thought. In May I was going to get nipples constructed and have my port removed during same visit as the hysterectomy. But the plan changed when the lymphedema swelling resulted in one breast being larger than the other so instead it became implant swap out, minor revisions for symmetry, and hysterectomy/oopherectomy and keep the port til the next surgery so I could use it for another zometa infusion.I was relieved even though the port gets in the way sometimes when trying to cuddle with Cooper and he presses on it or puts his head on it and that hurts or when the line up into my neck gets irritating and causes swelling which looks and feels like a swollen neck node on that side, causing me to panic even though Dr.B says it's ok.

This thing has been an incredible blessing - helping me painlessly (mostly) endure countless blood draws and 12 chemo infusions and 2 zometa infusions, and even used it in my two recent surgeries to get me asleep without discomfort. It has spared my arm veins from being mangled at a time when they would be vulnerable (chemo) and helped me protect my arms especially the left one with lymphedema since it can be poked (too risky for infection and swelling danger).

I've had two clean PET scans since finishing chemo - Feb.1st and Sept.7th so now it is time to say goodbye to my port. Praise God, I don't need it anymore! Every time I say, think or type that I begin to cry. Joyful tears. Maybe some nervous tears mixed in too.

Tomorrow morning I go back in for nipple construction surgery and the port will come out and the scar revised to clean it up (it's ugly/angry looking). As I was getting ready for bed tonight it finally hit me. I'm done (with cancer). Treatment is done (minus the zometa bone protection I will get quarterly for 2.5 more years, the quarterly blood draws and follow ups and of course the nipple tattoos as the final step in reconstruction).
I really am a survivor! From stage 3c to "cancer-free" in 15 months. Wow. Praise God!

I am living proof of the Lord's power and miracles. He woke me up and set me straight and I am listening (and learning). He showed me His work in my life daily through this journey (and ongoing) - with the most amazing support network (you included), the most loving and supportive husband so certain of my complete cure and healing, brilliant and compassionate physicians, nurses, administrators (except for a couple - remember my first attempt to get a port!?), a generous and caring mother and father who came to help whenever I asked...an incredibly supportive employer and team at work who patiently and generously gave me the time I needed to get well without the fear of losing my job or health coverage. The exact right caregivers at the exact right time for my precious Cooper. A bearable (albeit challenging) course of treatment with limited and tolerable side effects. My many friends, family and colleagues who wrote, called and sent generous thoughtful gifts to cheer me up and donations to fund breast cancer research in honor of me! Awesome neighborhood friends who checked in on me, brought meals, helped with Cooper and the dog, and kept me company when being alone was unbearable while Bob was working. God led me to my new church home and family a year ago where my faith in God and mankind has been restored and raised to levels I didn't know were possible. And, of course, He brought me to the bravest, most beautiful warrior sister survivors with whom I share an unbreakable bond for life.

These are the works of an almighty, merciful, forgiving and instructional God who has transformed me and I believe is using me and I am so amazed, so blessed, so grateful. Thank you, Father, for these blessed gifts. I am humbled, grateful and determined to become worthy of them. Please continue to use me, Father, to spread the good news and glorify you in my thoughts and actions. Guide me, Lord, and help me to not stray. Forgive me, Lord, when I do stumble as I often do. Take my worries and fears, Lord, and help me live beyond my own abilities and fulfill your will for my life. Thank you, Father, for your healing and your mercy for me and so many others.

Lord, please wrap my friends Michelle, Theresa, Tracie, Tonya, and Sue in your love and light. Infuse their bodies with healthy fighter cells and medical ammunition to destroy and eliminate the cancer that has taken residence in them. Give them continued strength, hope and faith in your promise and word and bring about complete cure and healing as I know you have big plans for these warriors here on earth.

God, please hurry and show us the cure for all cancers.

This, I pray, in Jesus' name. Amen.

Faithfully,
Julie

911 Every Day -- Please Stand Up 2 Cancer

Did you know that: 

• 1 out of every 2 men, and 1 out of every 3 women in the U.S. will be diagnosed with cancer. :(  

• Every 60 seconds, someone in America dies of cancer :(

• 1500 people die of cancer EVERY DAY (that's equivalent to the Titanic tragedy DAILY) :(

• Cancer accounts for nearly one-quarter of all deaths in the U.S., exceeded only by heart diseases.  :(
  
• 1.5 million new cases of cancer will be diagnosed in 2010 in the U.S. :(
  

Cancer isn't a one-time tragedy with a one-day anniversary. It doesn't discriminate. It can't be stopped at our borders and our military can't protect us from it.
 

Will you please STAND UP 2 CANCER?!   Please DONATE to the Stand Up 2 Cancer foundation where 100% of all donated funds go directly to innovative, collaborative cancer research. 

Together, we CAN and WILL find the CURE. We MUST!

Watch the 2010 Stand Up 2 Cancer show here. 

PLEASE DONATE here.

THANK YOU!

CLEAR! Dancing with NED!

The doctor just called. The PET/CT results were NEGATIVE - NORMAL! NO EVIDENCE OF DISEASE!  I'd be lying if I said I didn't hang up the phone, look up to the sky and thank God immediately and then sob like a baby. [Insert huge sigh of relief]

I'm so grateful to the Lord for His mercy and trust in me. I will not let Him down. 

Thank you all, so very much, for your prayers and support. I'm so incredibly blessed and grateful.

Romans 8:28 (NIV) And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

Deuteronomy 6:5 (NIV) Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength.

The waiting! ;/

I'm sitting here at my desk trying desperately to concentrate on work. Muddling my way through my to-do list while a fog of anxiety floats around my head.  Tuesday morning I had a PET/CT scan. I'm grateful that these tests exist because they can bring peace of mind when the results are good news. But the waiting to hear the news is nothing short of torture.  Even when there is no reason to suspect anything but good results, it's torture.  

I'm anxious to hear good news so I can breathe a sigh of relief. But I worry about wasting precious thought time/space in the event that it's not good news. Will it be clear? Will it be not clear? Will I be dancing with NED again? (NED = no evidence of disease) Or won't I be?  

I try so hard to give my worries over to the Lord since only He knows where my life path is heading. He is in control now, not me.  It's hard though. So very hard. I've spent over 37 years thinking I was the one in control and old habits are hard to break. 

I go from thinking about all the awesome things I have planned for my future to thinking about whether any of it will even be possible. I wonder why my friend and sister warrior got her awesome news of her clean scan results this morning already even though her scan happened after mine at the same facility. So I called my doc's office and asked if the report was in yet. No. Insert heavy sigh.  Then I think why am I in such a hurry to know when I'm alone today. Sure, I'm interacting with people online and by phone for work, but Bob is away and Cooper is at daycare and I'm here with my computer and phone, remembering the last time I was alone to receive test results and it was not good.  Dear Lord, please let it be good news. And please help me accept it if it's not good news. Amen.

Philippians 4:6 (NIV) Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.

Young survivors unite - and dance!

The local chapter of the hair club for women (what us sassy young breast cancer survivors are calling ourselves) invites all young breast cancer survivors (and their friends, families, physicians, etc.) who wish to join us to celebrate life as survivors as we don our pink wigs and dance around while being filmed.  It's our own answer to the pink glove dance video that's all over the internet.

If you'd like to join us, send an email to Tira (see pic below for her email address - click on the picture to enlarge it) and she'll get you the details. We'll be dancing and filming on Saturday, September 25th, somewhere in the Los Angeles area. We hope you'll join us.

BUT, if you're not in the area or can't join us in person for any other reason, you can still do it: take video of yourself and your peeps and email it to Tira. :)

A makeover!

 I'd love to get some hair extensions to catapult me past this transitional hair regrowth phase right into a preferable "normal" hair phase but my hair dresser tells me that they'd look awful since my hair is so short. She said I'd need it bob-length for it to look natural and that just isn't helpful since bob-length is the actual goal.  Since learning more about the dangerous chemicals in skincare and cosmetic products, I'm not interested in facials and make-up style makeovers so what is a gal to do!?

So I figured...if I can't have much say in the hair department just yet, and I can't afford to resume my former addiction to designer handbags (I'm broke) or spa visits (no exposure to hot temps in hot tubs, steam rooms and the like due to lymphedema), why not a blog makeover!? I just selected a new template using the new designer - what do you think?

And while I'm on the subject of blog administration, I'm curious to know what else you might be interested in hearing from me. I'm tossing around some ideas for a website and I realize that my blog followers have different reasons for following. Some of you are survivors, some are friends or family members of mine or of other survivors.  What types of things would you like to hear more about from me?  Don't be shy - please comment.

AND, I have it on good authority (love you, Mom - you're such an effective snitch! haha) that there are a lot of anonymous followers that have never commented before and I want you to know that comments make me feel great and help keep me blogging. So, please do comment - I love hearing from everyone (OK, well not from the spammers - but from everyone else I do). If you have a blog that I haven't seen, please tell me about it.

Have a blessed day!

1 Peter 4:8 (NIV) Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins

Been busy....living! =)

I know, I know, I've been a bad blogger - I'm really behind in updating you on my latest adventures. I'm sorry!  But I have a really good excuse though - I've been busy living!

Life has become hectic again now that I'm back to work full-time, but I have kept my promise to myself that it wouldn't take over my life the way I've allowed it to in years past. I now work to live, not live to work.  In fact, I've been busy making sure that we are doing fun things in my off hours, even taking days off to take fun adventures away from home.

We've been having dinner picnics in the park on free concert Saturday night, we enjoyed the 50's bash/picnic at our church, and Cooper and me even took a trip to Ohio to meet up with 35+ other people in a lodge for a few days of fun fellowship!  Our Ohio trip was AWESOME. We met up with 12 other moms and their kids - there were 13 two-year-olds, and as many as 10 older children there with us in a beautiful 6-bedroom lodge in Hocking Hills, OH.  I met these wonderful women through an online pregnancy support group when I was pregnant with Cooper over two years ago. Many of us (up to 100) keep in touch via Facebook and a bunch of us thought it would be fun to meet up so we flew out to meet up with the Midwest gang and we're so glad that we did. I am so incredibly blessed and to have these amazing women in my life. What an awesome time we had and we hope to do it every year.

On the way home from Ohio, Cooper and I had quite the adventure GETTING home. Flying standby is hard enough but when you are a non-revenue (non-paying) standby passenger things really do get interesting. We started out in Columbus and couldn't get on the direct flight back to L.A. Since Columbus isn't a hub for Delta we realized we had to get out of there and to a hub if we wanted to get home so we hopped a flight to Detroit which had a couple open seats.  Unfortunately, once in Detroit, we were unable to get on the remaining flights out to L.A. that night so we spent the night at the Westin in the airport. That turned out to be fun though - sort of. Fun that we got to have hot shower/bath, room service and sleep time in a heavenly bed but not fun that we had to fork over the big bucks to do it. Oh well!  Middle of the night the room filled up with cigarette smoke coming from an adjoining door to a room next to us. Called security and they could smell it but the neighbor denied smoking and there were no other rooms to move to (they were sold out) so we had to crank the A/C to try to force the smoke out and go back to sleep. In the morning I asked for a discount and got the bill reduced to half which was a huge relief because Westins are not cheap at all - especially not the airport attached hotels where rooms quickly become a commodity.

The next morning we watched as 4 L.A.bound flights left without us and then my husband had a brilliant idea and he instructed me to head over to the gate for a flight to New Orleans. I joked with him that I appreciated him wanting me to extend my vacation by sending me somewhere fun and then he explained that he could see in the system that there were open seats on that flight and a flight to L.A. an hour or so after arriving in New Orleans with open seats on that one too. I asked him why the gate agents didn't know this and suggest it after seeing me and Cooper get denied seats on several flights and he said they just look for open seats at the major hubs (New Orleans isn't one of them) because they're so busy dealing with everything there at the
gate. Makes sense.  So, thanks to my genius husband, the plan worked brilliantly and we finally got home to L.A. late Friday night.  I learned a lot from that trip - about what we can and can't live without in our carry-on bags (can't check bags when you're non-rev standby) and how to find creative flight paths home when your first 3 (or more) choice flights leave without you. So now I'm even more ready for the next adventure!

My arm weathered the trip pretty well. At first I didn't think so because it looked worse from all the pressure changes of several flights and hauling bags and a car seat on wheels with Cooper on it. However, my lymphedema therapist measured me on Monday and in spite of it looking worse, only one of ten measurements had gone up and only minimally. Praise God for that miracle!  Once we realized the measurement results she looked up at me and exclaimed "you can fly!" haha. Yes I can!

I'm excited for our next adventure...a trip to Reno in the beginning of September to visit my BFF Diana and her awesome family - they're moving there this month following her husband's early retirement from the Army due to combat-related injuries from the Iraq war. Her husband, John, is an amazing man who has made great sacrifices for our freedoms and I am forever grateful to him and to his family for the sacrifices they've made for all of us. Thank you, Hartleys! I love you!

Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? http://read.ly/Matt6.27.NIV

The church support ministry that I co founded has been moving along nicely with our monthly meetings. I've met some most amazing people and I'm grateful to God for putting it on my heart to start the group.  There are other things I know He's calling me to do - I see signs everywhere I turn and I have intentions to follow through. I just need to shuffle my time around and find a way to make time to do it. I will. Meantime, I pray that He helps guide me to moving things around to make it possible to fulfill all of my obligations and while enjoying life too.

Love,
Julie