Cycle 7, part A, day 3: A pain in the neck

Throughout this journey there have been many times where I've felt something and have kept it to myself for fear that 1) stating it would lead to a dangerous self-fulfilling prophecy, 2) it would unnecessarily worry those that love me , and 3) it would make me look like a bonafide, paranoid, hypochondriac. When I say "felt something", I mean it quite literally - like a pain or a bump or a swollen something or other. And, when I say I keep it to myself, I mean I don't talk about it much with anyone other than Bob (my hubby) until I get to my doctor and tell him and have him check it out - not that I would ever let something go uninvestigated because frankly from here til my dying day I'll be harassing my doctors about every little thing I feel so I hope they're ready for their new patient stalker. LOL Several times over the past months it's been the glands in my neck and throat. They have felt enlarged, swollen, and sore at various points. The big fear is that the c-word would be lurking in my lymph nodes/glands trying to march its way toward my brain or something crazy like that. For those of you who have never had cancer, these are the images and thoughts that occasionally pervade the mind of someone who has had it (it sucks). Each time I mention it to Dr.B he puts my chart and his pen down and takes hold of my neck and feels around and tells me everything feels normal and OK and I breathe a huge sigh of relief...at least until the next strange feeling or pain or whatever. A few times now I've felt like the glands directly under my lower jaw were not right - thickened and sore and sometimes it really bothers me for a few days to the point where it really begins to freak me out. So today when I went in for my neupogen shot I mentioned it, and they also happened to notice my temp was slightly elevated at 99.2 so they had Dr.B come talk to me and check me out. He felt around my neck and jaw line again and said that my salivary glands are swollen. That it is NOT my lymph glands (huge relief) and that it's a side effect of the chemo since it affects bodily fluids such as mucus and saliva, causing it to thicken and then it can start to clog the glands and can even cause an infection. He told me to take an Aleve and to drink more water and start sucking on sugar-free lozenges to help thin out the saliva. He said that if it becomes more painful (right now just sore) and/or if my temp stays above normal then to call in because they'll have to start antibiotics to fight what could be an infection. Apparently this is pretty common when you've been on chemo for a while. Another thing that's common is the all over aches and pains I'm experiencing - thankfully they're muscle aches/pains and not in the bone - well, except for the headache part which is skull bone pain from the neupogen (as that is the site that it seems to always want to produce the WBC in my bone marrow) but that only lasts about a day or two after the first shot in the series and then it lets up. But the muscle pain is a cumulative effect of chemo which tends to really start to annoy at about the 4th cycle or later - for me it really seemed to kick in and annoy me after cycle 6. Mine is sort of all over but the sites that bother me the most are my back, shoulders and back of my ribcage. I think it's time to go get a massage. :) So far, cycle 7, part a has been OK - a bit of nausea (not intolerable), swollen sallivary glands, and all over aches and pains, and ongoing fatigue, a touch of anemia. Again, all manageable. I had another great meeting of warriors today at UCLA where I attend a weekly support group for anyone in treatment for breast cancer. I almost said "women in treatment" but then had to backspace over it and say "anyone" because when I first joined the group there was a man there and we all know men can and do get breast cancer too. Feel your man's boobies, ladies! I was 30 minutes late arriving to the meeting because of student protests taking place on campus that caused traffic and parking snafus all over the place...I circled the parking garage for over 20 minutes before finally finding a spot...that's after navigating a packed freeway backed up near campus because students took to the streets and caused on/off ramp closures. ;/ I don't blame them (students) since their tuition is being raised by 32% - ugh! But I digress...so anyway, once I was finally there it felt great to be surrounded by women who understand and can relate to all the crazy feelings and fears I encounter along this journey. I wouldn't wish this on anyone but I sure am glad to not be alone in it.

Chemo cycle 7, part a - received :)

I forgot to post that I did indeed receive chemo cycle #7, part a, on Tuesday. My counts were great - WBC up to 7.3 - hasn't been that high since the very first couple of treatments. Platelets were over 250 and in the normal range, and the other numbers all looked pretty good for a gal that's had 6 rounds of chemo already. I am a bit anemic so they're awaiting insurance approval to give me a shot to remedy that and help me avoid a transfusion for that craziness. Speaking of insurance, mine has finally given in and paid for that breast MRI they were challenging. Lucky for them because the wrath of Julie is...well, they didn't want to go there haha. So I'm on day 2 of this cycle and here's how it's going so far...queasy but not horrible thanks to the anti-nausea meds which are taking the edge off - well that and ginger ale and toast. As has been the case previously, the first day of neupogen (today) brings forth a flush red tone over my face and neck. In the early cycles I thought this was due to the steroids and they did too...but it seems it's actually from the neulasta (back then) and the neupogen (now). I have the tell-tale bone pain back too - centralized in my skull, producing a headache and achy neck. Taking tylenol helped but not quite as much as an Advil or Aleve would do but I'm avoiding those drugs b/c of their effect on platelets since I have to have good numbers again next Tuesday to get part b of the chemo. I'm achy all over - back, neck, legs, arms - doc said that's typical for those that have been on chemo this long or longer. I'm OK with all of this - kind of makes me feel like it's working and doing its job. I'm not complaining at all. As I near the end of the chemo part of my journey, with just 1.5 cycles left, I am excited and nervous too. Excited to be another step closer to being done with cancer, but nervous and terrified that going off chemo would make me vulnerable again - it makes me feel protected right now. I'll need to work through that. The nerves are really working at regenerating under my armpits and while I welcome the return of some feeling - especially the left side where the numbness is insane from the lymph node dissection - the sharp pains and itchiness this process brings is not fun and makes me nervous. That, combined with the freaky dream I had the other night about finding another lump under my arm, just is driving me batty sometimes. I catch myself feeling my armpits frequently and at random times in random places - like the grocery store. I must look like a total weirdo standing in the produce department with a bald head and my hand under my armpit feeling for lumps that damn well better not exist. LOL This is yet another thing I'll have to work through. sigh. I put it all in God's hands. He will cure me and make me well and allow me to live to see my son get married and give me grandchildren. I believe in Him. I praise Him every night for the blessings He has bestowed upon me. I know He has given me the fighting spirit, the will and the resources to be my own best advocate, and put me in this place and time so that I would have the best support, the best healthcare providers, and the will to live and beat this disease. He has a plan for me and I'm ready to fulfill it, whatever it may be.

Chemo cycle 7, part a, is scheduled for today

If my counts are good when I arrive this morning, I'll be getting chemo cycle 7, part a, today. It's hard to believe that this is the second to last chemo cycle. I've been so blessed and grateful that it's been so smooth and has flown by rather quickly. I hope and pray the remaining two cycles will go smoothly too.