One year ago today, at about this time, I started chemotherapy. I was excited and terrified too. I was thrilled to be able to assault the cancer as it had felt like eternity since finding out I had cancer. The doc suggested I take an anti-anxiety med before arriving and when they got started I received benadryl too (in case of an allergic reaction to the chemo) along with the anti-nausea meds before the chemo drugs began to flow. I was really out of it yet totally aware of what was happening. Totally aware of how blessed I was to have found the cancer at stage 3 instead of 4...totally grateful that God made it possible to receive the life saving drugs that flowed through my veins that day and for six months following. Incredibly grateful for the support and love I received to help me through it. On this chemo-versary I just had a follow up visit at UCLA. I pointed out an area of my neck that doesn't feel right. The nurse confirmed it is a swollen lymph node. She asked who my oncologist is and when I'd be seen by him again. I see Dr.B tomorrow for my Zometa infusion. She asked when my last and next scan was/is. Next PET next month. She said it's probably my body fighting off an infection but he may send me for an ultrasound. Fuck is the word that comes to mind.
These uncertain times are difficult. I'm calling on God to bring me calm and peace to help me get through and fight off the fears that the enemy whispers in my ear. I'm fighting back. It could be unnoticed congestion from flying recently. It could be I'm on the verge of an ear infection or a cold.
Please pray with/for me. Thank you.
For I am the Lord, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you.