Friday, January 29, 2010

Quiet house, noisy mind

I'm laying in bed. The lights are out...have been for hours. Everyone but me is sleeping. The house is quiet but my mind is not. Heard today that a friend in my breast cancer support group has had a recurrence. Don't know the details. Don't know if I want to know. She had only recently finished treatment...maybe 3 months ago at most. Triple negative damn it. My heart aches for her. For me. For all of us.

Spoke to Dr.B tonight. Getting my PET scan soon. Stopping in today to pick up the order and have a blood draw. Need pre-radiation baseline and to assess my vitamin D level to ensure I take enough of it in supplement form. We talked about Zometa again. Can't elaborate on that yet. Soon.

I need to replace the worry and fear as soon as possible but need to get it out so it's not bottled up inside because that would be bad too. I need to let someone in particular know how to better support me because their own emotions are causing this person to say and do things that are hurting me deeply even though I know that is the very last thing this person wants to do. It's happening a lot and it's making it really hard for me to feel supported by this very important person. I pray that we can fix it asap.

I'm laying it all in God's hands. Asking Him to help me leverage my skills and faith to find solutions and bring me some calm of mind.

Thank you for being here. For your prayers and encouragement.

It's after 3am now. I hope I can get some sleep before the alarm goes off.


Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry


  1. Hi Julie - Just wanted to say that I wish you courage in that important conversation.

  2. Julie - I send you strength and best of luck dealing with your important issues.

    It's hard sometimes with certain people, they mean so well, but sometimes it doesn't come out in the best intentioned way. But the love is there.

  3. Praying for peace for you this day. God Bless you:)

  4. Praying that you work everything out with the person. You deserve the most support there is. I will also say a prayer for your friend. With a support group like yours, I'm sure you will all help her to kick this recurrence right in the butt! Love you! ***HUGS***

  5. Praying for peace for you and for the other person about whom you wrote, Julie--and for peace between you. Praying you and the other person will feel completely and fully supported by each other, others, and most importantly, by Him. Lord, I pray that through the words to Julie needs to speak and through the actions by which Julie lives, please make it readily evident to this other person what Julie desires from him/her, especially on this challenging path she is presently walking in her life. I also pray that this other person looks to You for strength. We ask this in Your holy name, Amen.

  6. Hi Julie, thinking of you. We have one girl in our 6-person support group who has mets and its scary but we are standing by her. It was hard at first, but its mostly just letting her talk and we listen and try to get her out of the house, for coffee or a movie or anything. That's the scary part of a support group - what if something happens to one of them, we all don't feel safe anymore. Hope you're getting some sleep, you need the strength!! Love... Beth