Thursday, July 23, 2009

Day 10: Tingly scalp, furry shirt

Yesterday I noticed my scalp tingling a bit which was a bit eery - not a scary feeling as in being afraid of losing the hair but rather a "oh crap" this (cancer/treatment) is real. I mean, I've known all along it's real, and I havent' been in denial at all but sometimes something doesn't SEEM real until something symbolic or related happens - that's what this is - it affirms the fact that I have chemo drugs pumping through my body now and not only will I know it and my close family and friends know it, but anyone that sees me once I am bald will know it too. I'm OK with that...it's just a new stage I'm entering now - one step closer to the finish line is how I see it. When I showered this morning I was tempted to not wash my hair because I didn't want to do anything to encourage the hair to fall out before I can take it off myself next week at my hair shaving party planned for Wednesday evening. However, it had been nearly a week since it was washed so it just had to be done. I was relieved to not have clumps of hair litter the drain or stuck in my hand as I rinsed the shampoo out. I combed it, put some styling mousse on it, and decided it would have to air dry - again, not willing to encourage hair loss/breakage just yet. Once dressed and ready to head out for my support group at UCLA, I walked into the kitchen where Bob was and he promptly asked "did you just lay on the dog?" I thought that was a very strange question until I realized he was referring to what the back of my shirt looked like. He sent me to the nearest mirror, turned me so I could see my back and there it was - dozens of my own hair strands all over the back of my shirt! Agh! It's too soon! Supposedly this usually starts happening around week 3 - I'm on day 10! Thankfully, we aren't talking about clumps of hair - just lots and lots of single strands. Hopefully it stays that way for the next 5-6 days so I can keep my current plan for my party on Wednesday. BUT, if clumps of hair start coming out before then, I'll have to resort to Plan B which is to push the party up a bit. I'd better get over to the wig store to pick up all my goodies that I have them holding onto for me while we wait for a couple pieces to arrive on order. So, anyway, about this party I keep talking about...I decided a couple weeks ago that I would be taking control of the chemo related hair loss and would host a head shaving party where my nearby friends and family could come over to offer moral support while enjoying wine (and whining haha), cheese, etc...and help me make light of the fact that I'm removing my hair to donate it to Locks of Love, and avoiding the craziness that would go with letting it fall out in clumps on its own. Currently the party is planned for Wednesday (29th) - but like I said, if clumps start to fall before then, it'll be sooner. Ah, the adventure! Dear cancer - don't go thinking you've got the best of me with this hair nonsense - I've always held the philosophy "it's just hair, it'll grow back" and nothing has changed that. I'd gladly go bald the rest of my life if it meant keeping you out of my life. So you can just forget it if you think you're getting to me through my hair - no way - I'm ready for baldness - I'm going to wear it well while I kick your friggin ass!

3 comments:

  1. Hi Julie -

    I know this reality of cancer is tough. The party is smart - my sister cut her hair ahead of losing it. You are in control of your hair loss - not the cancer! I have cancer, cancer does not have me! You are in my everyday thoughts and prayers.

    Michele

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  2. You are so smart! The party idea is awesome. I love your spirit! Oh - I was watching Hannah Montana with my kids the other day and saw her friend, Lily, in a bright pink wig and said to myself 'Julie would look adorable in that'! You totally would! 8)

    Carrie & Drake from iV

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  3. I LOVE your "letter to cancer"! You are such a badass! I love you !

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