Monday, June 15, 2009

Ah the indignities! (sound familiar?)

It feels like de ja vu writing about indignities - this time last year I posted an entry on Cooper's blog about the indignities of strict bed rest while pregnant. That list was far worse than the one I've begun to expose since opening my eyes this morning, so maybe you'll get off easy this time. Since Saturday, each "Care Partner" (person that wakes me up every 4 hours to take my vitals) has found a new way to ascertain whether I've had a bowel movement. It's become quite comical to watch the discovery process each of these folks goes through as they start their shift. First, I see them evaluating and logging the amount of urine I've left in the lovely measuring cup they've attached to the toilet in my room (which, by the way, takes up the entire opening of the toilet), then they come back to my side and ask me how much water I've had since they last asked, followed by an inspection of my food tray if it's still in the room to see how much food I've eaten. Then, finally, they come out and ask me "BM today?", or "#2 today?" and I pretend I don't know what they're talking about so they have to repeat themselves at least 2-3 times which seems to embarrass each of them. The first day I was here I hadn't eaten solid foods for over 12 hours. The second day they had me on vicodin which everyone knows prevents such digestive action, and the third day (yesterday) after being interrogated by blushing nurses about bowel movements I considered making an effort but then reconsidered every time I realized there is a giant urine measuring cup in the way which I can't (or won't) reach around and move out of the way since it hurts too much to move my arms in that way right now and I hadn't bothered inviting anyone to join me (would you!?). So, they're going to have to wait a bit longer unless they figure out they've made it impossible and take steps to remedy that. I'm not going to do their jobs for them although I probably could do it better than they do based on the way this weekend has progressed. Note to self: unless one can help it, one should never have themselves admitted to a hospital over a weekend when the C team is on the schedule. We had no choice this time - it was either have the surgery Friday or wait til July which we all know just was not an option for me (no way I was going to let cancer dance around in my body that long). I have a few reconstructive surgeries that will need to be done so I'll be booking those to occur earlier in the week when possible. Hey cancer - if you're lurking around you'd better start running because whatever is left of you is gonna be nuked into oblivion soon, ya bastard! Love, Julie

8 comments:

  1. You look fantastic! Thanks for all of the helpful hints, Robert and I will be making a "Julie said" checklist before we leave for the hospital on Wednesday. Hopefully I will be out of the hospital before the "C" shift starts!

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  2. You look good! Yes the Vikes can cause the digestive system to turn to cement. Glad you are doing well and keeping that fighting spirit.

    Oh the "hat" or container that they left in the toilet, sometimes they want you to have the BM in there so they can "check" it.

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  3. You are looking as gorous as ever! You 'BM' monologs are hystical. As the daughter of a former nurse, that was my shame every freakin day growing up! HAHA. If you would lke me to fed-Ex you some Fiber One bars from the Manhattan, I can. tehehe

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  4. Hahahahaha!!! Love it! Every time they say BM you need to think of something it would stand for, like Billy Maze (etc). Then if they say #2 reply, "#3". Or you could use the eye Doctor routine of, "1 or 2? 2 or 1?"

    Thanks for the laugh so early!

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  5. You look great Julie! Glad to see you're in such good spritis despite it all.

    I AM curious, though. Why the no-right-arm for IV's, blood pressure readings, etc (the sign behind your head in the pic)?

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  6. You look terrific! Yes, the 'BM ' thing is definitely a post-surgical nursing obsession. When I had my surgery, I locked everyone out, then flushed. Needless to say, they were not happy!

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  7. Julie, You look Great!!!!!! You are going to compile a great novel from this and be an inspiration for many, many people as a Survivor!!!

    Love you & Miss you,

    Gilly :)

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  8. Wow - they may have taken your breasts but not your 'key assets' as you call it - your humor and fight. I can't believe you are jerking the nurses around...lol...then again I can.

    Thinking of you all weekend, hope each min gets a little better. You are so missed - stay off the work e-mail.
    Love you.

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