Ah the indignities! (sound familiar?)

It feels like de ja vu writing about indignities - this time last year I posted an entry on Cooper's blog about the indignities of strict bed rest while pregnant. That list was far worse than the one I've begun to expose since opening my eyes this morning, so maybe you'll get off easy this time. Since Saturday, each "Care Partner" (person that wakes me up every 4 hours to take my vitals) has found a new way to ascertain whether I've had a bowel movement. It's become quite comical to watch the discovery process each of these folks goes through as they start their shift. First, I see them evaluating and logging the amount of urine I've left in the lovely measuring cup they've attached to the toilet in my room (which, by the way, takes up the entire opening of the toilet), then they come back to my side and ask me how much water I've had since they last asked, followed by an inspection of my food tray if it's still in the room to see how much food I've eaten. Then, finally, they come out and ask me "BM today?", or "#2 today?" and I pretend I don't know what they're talking about so they have to repeat themselves at least 2-3 times which seems to embarrass each of them. The first day I was here I hadn't eaten solid foods for over 12 hours. The second day they had me on vicodin which everyone knows prevents such digestive action, and the third day (yesterday) after being interrogated by blushing nurses about bowel movements I considered making an effort but then reconsidered every time I realized there is a giant urine measuring cup in the way which I can't (or won't) reach around and move out of the way since it hurts too much to move my arms in that way right now and I hadn't bothered inviting anyone to join me (would you!?). So, they're going to have to wait a bit longer unless they figure out they've made it impossible and take steps to remedy that. I'm not going to do their jobs for them although I probably could do it better than they do based on the way this weekend has progressed. Note to self: unless one can help it, one should never have themselves admitted to a hospital over a weekend when the C team is on the schedule. We had no choice this time - it was either have the surgery Friday or wait til July which we all know just was not an option for me (no way I was going to let cancer dance around in my body that long). I have a few reconstructive surgeries that will need to be done so I'll be booking those to occur earlier in the week when possible. Hey cancer - if you're lurking around you'd better start running because whatever is left of you is gonna be nuked into oblivion soon, ya bastard! Love, Julie